4/9/08

I am a bad, bad person. I feel like I should go hide in a hole somewhere and die just because I'm so terrible. Who, two days after they break up with their boyfriend, goes and talks to their ex boyfriend's best friend about their lingerie and then almost reaches the point where they show each other? And, also, if that isn't bad enough, talks to their ex's worst enemy about it (albeit not in detail, but still a little discussion) who still has a thing for you? Evidently me. Argh. It's not as bad as it sounds- we were only discussing that as completely platonic friends, and we both know and admit there is nothing between us. The latter...not so innocent.

I'm still confused as to whether or not my ex has feelings for me. I've reread the conversation, and he did say he loves me and still thinks I'm special, and he said that he loves me as 'more than a friend' whe we talked, yet he also said he wants to go back to being 'close friends.' Although, like I said, his definition of that is more than friends or even possibly, unofficially dating. But then what good does it do to break up? I don't know...argh. Maybe he doesn't feel anything for me at all and just wants to be platonic. In fact, he did say that at one point. However, I do think he still has feelings for me. Which makes me a bad person because I'm pretty sure that he'd be really betrayed if he knew what had happened. *sob*

Breakfast- 2 crumpets + 4 slices melted swiss + 2 slices ham + peppers

Lunch- 2 small bread rolls + butter, 1 glass hot chocolate + milk + full fat cream

Dinner- 1 small serving pasta + broth + 1 serving broccoli + 2 meat and spinach balls + 3 thin slices meat

No exercise. Crap, I know. My friend forced me to eat the bread at lunch because he was worried about me :( Shame, I know. I'll have to do better. Oh...I'm so confused. All I want to know is whether or not he still feels for me...I think he does. But it's still painful. And I'm not letting myself talk to him for a week, and he's not talking to me either. So that's good. We need to get over it. I'm definitely going to do better tomorrow. More exercise + less food = better me