30/8/08 and 31/8/08

Didn't post yesterday because my mom was around, and I know she certainly wouldn't approve of this blog. Anyway, my thoughts from yesterday...went out (again!) with my friend, which was rather nice. I haven't seen her properly in ages, so it was a bit of a catch-up. She's been having a few problems recently, so we chatted about that among other things. However, you know what going out means...eating a lot. Here's what I ate:

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + cinnamon + one serving rasberries + one serving mangoes

Lunch- two buns with butter + one hot chocolate with real full fat cream

Dinner- one enormous plate rice + beef + chillies + onions + peppers

Snacks- one nectarine + a few cookies (can't remember how many) + a few slices of cheese and meat and bean and pepper tortilla

Exercise- None. None at all.

I know. It's terrible. I feel horrible, absolutely horrible. I need encouragement. I need help. To write that I have eaten makes me feel so, so deeply shamed...and it's even worse today.

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + cinnamon + two servings mangoes + 1 serving rasberries + a little bit of scrambled egg + a tiny bit of onion and bacon (almost nothing)

Lunch- 5 slices cheese and peppers and beans and meat tortilla

Dinner- small serving cheese and broccoli + one serving edema beans + small serving meatball and pasta and tomato sauce

Snacks- 3 bourbon cookies + one small slice of choc cake

Exercise- walked approx. one mile + regular exercises

Although I didn't record what I drank today because I don't remember, I'm drinking this horrible concoction of apple vinegar, lemon juice, cinnamon, honey and a little splenda. It's...vile. But healthy, I think.

All I can say to my recent eating and exercising habits is...FUCK. What the hell is wrong with me!? I try to do better, I have good intentions, but honestly!? It really seems like I can't help myself. I've been going out a lot which definitely doesn't help, but staying at home is a problem because it really stresses me out. I've just been stressed out generally. Although I have no reason to, I'm a little stressed out about my boyfriend, but I know it's nothing. The problem is, anytime I feel good about the time we spent together, my family just rips him apart and it makes me feel insecure again. But I guess it's nothing, right? I guess stress doesn't help you lose weight much...

Anyway, tomorrow is the first day of September! So, you know what that means...new goals. Although they are typical, I will follow them, in chronological order:

• I will set a more healthy sleeping pattern (meaning, less late nights, more early mornings!)
• I will eat more healthy, which means following my diet plan
• I will start jogging 2 miles every day in the evening
• I will stop eating cookies
• I will cut out snacks, which therefore means only 3 meals a day
• I will reduce the amount of food I eat
• I will increase my exercise

By the time I finish with my goals, I will be much healthier, much fitter and (hopefully!) much thinner. I'm quite toned already; when I'm tensed I'm already hard as a rock, but I still feel covered by this detestable layer of fat...I need some thinspo.

Those quotes are great. In fact, I'm already inspired. Tomorrow's the first day of September, which means implementing my goals! But for now...I'd better get off the computer and start exercising!

29/8/08

Height and Weight- 5 ft 2, 110 pounds

Well, give or take a few, I don't have a scale so I don't know. Anyway...what can I say except CRAP! I can't believe I ate so much. My excuse is I'm on my period and that I was out today, but really it's not a good one. Anyway:

Breakfast- 1/2 scoop oatmeal + cinnamon + honey + one serving rasberries + one serving mangoes

Lunch- one baugette + lox + cream cheese + 1.3 bowls cornflakes + real milk

Dinner- 4 tacoes which includes: taco shells + cheese + taco meat + beans + onions

Snacks- one pear + 2 slices ham, tortilla and pepper

Exercise- general fitness + regular exercises + stretches

Argh, so much food, so little exercise! Must be better tomorrow. Bleugh. I feel sick.

28/8/08

Height and Weight- 5 ft 2, 110 pounds

I'm so relieved. Recently I've been having major mood swings and strange cravings for food such as donuts, which normally I scorn. Now it is explained- I have my period! And it isn't too bad. Normally, right before I'm due I eat a lot, but so far I've been pretty good. Anyway, kept to the routine I set myself yesterday, maybe even doing a little better than normal! Here it is:

Breakfast- 2 bowls cereal approx (not brilliant, but not bad either) with soy milk

Lunch- large bowl yogurt + one apple + one nectarine + one serving dates + honey + cinnamon + 1-2 serving(s) wheatbran

Dinner- one large sub which includes: baugette + one serving lettuce + 4 slices cheese (2 swiss and 2 provolone) + 3 slices ham + vinegar and olive oil + a few onions + thin coating mayo

Snacks- 1 smallish bowl of soup which includes: chicken broth + a few bits of chicken + potatoes + carrots

I forgot to record my drinks, but I've had a few glasses of water, a few glasses of tea, a glass of cranberry juice, a glass of cinnamon and honey tea and a glass of my coffee and cocoa mix. So 'tis all good.

I'm not exercising today because 1) I'm on my period, 2) my body has been sore and achy everywhere recently and 3) you are supposed to rest from exercise occasionally anyway. So there you have it. I'm also going to sleep tonight because I have to get up early tomorrow for induction day at my new school which should be interesting. More sleep will definitely help me feel better, as I have been sleep deprived all week.

Anyway, I was planning on writing more, but I'm awfully tired. I think I ate relatively well today; maybe not so well in terms of amount but certainly much better in terms of healthiness. I'll start recording my drinks more accurately, and I'll try to cut out more food as I get used to my new diet. And I won't get so discouraged because my mood swings should stop now that I'm on. Yay!

27/8/08

Height and Weight- 5 ft 2, 110 pounds

I don't really see the point of writing my height and weight, as my height isn't changing and I don't have a scale so I can't see whether I've gained/lost any weight. Ah well. Maybe I'll find a cheap one somewhere, as I have no money. Anyway, today was pretty good, better than normal! But that's not saying much. I did more exercise, but I'm still eating way too many snacks. Plan- exercise more, cut out all but three meals a day, then reduce the amount of food in those meals, then cut out lunch, then reduce the amount of food again, etc. Soon I'll be starting school again, which will either help me or hinder me enormously.

Positives of going to school:

1. back on schedule, so don't have enough time to snack
2. there is a gym at the school, so I can exercise more
3. have free time to exercise
4. may feel obligated to exercise with my friends

Negatives of going to school:

1. may feel obligated to snack more with my friends
2. may not have enough time to exercise
3. may eat more unhealthy because there isn't enough choice of food
4. may eat more because I am stressed
5. may not be able to implement my dieting techniques during school

I think going to school may help me in terms of eating less; however, I think that my restricting schedule will certainly not help me in terms of exercising more. Ah well, there's nothing I can do about it anyway- I'm looking forward to starting school and being on schedule, as right now I'm being rather lazy with all this free time, and I can hardly not go just because I'll be more unhealthy.

Anyway, back to my day...met up with my friend and went swimming for about an hour, then ran into some other friends and we went to costa. To start with I was good, but then I got hungry and split this long chocolate pastry with my friend which must have been quite fattening! I'm really having a hard time giving up snacking; before I would eat three small meals and be able to stop myself through willpower alone. Now I eat three large meals, and can't stop myself from snacking afterwards! ARGH! And my family does not help AT ALL, which pisses the hell out of me. I'm half Chinese, so there's enormous pressure for me to stay slender. Right now, by Western standards I'm very slim. However, by Chinese standards, I'm a size large! 'Tis quite unfair, especially as I look more White than Asian. All the time my brother and especially my mother call me fat, which is really a blow to my self-esteem. For example, today, after I had some crumbs of a donut which barely even counts as anything, my mom said, "You know, I always see you eating. No wonder you're so fat. You're such a pig." They say it's harmless joking, but don't you think it's a bit insensitive to someone who wants to lose weight? Just a little. Certainly one good thing about going to school is to get out of the house. That will certainly be a relief.

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + one serving rasberries + one serving mangoes + some cinnamon and honey

Lunch- one large salad + lots of dressing; salad cream, olive oil and balsalmic vinegar + some spicy chicken (probably quite calorically dense)

Dinner- one bowl rice + lots of fish + 2 if not 3 servings spicy spinach with coconut milk and garlic

Snacks- 1/2 stick chocolate pastry + one nectarine + 2 digestives

Exercise- regular morning stretches, swimming for between 30 min and an hour, did 1.5 miles, running. .25 at the end, and am going to do my regular exercises and evening stretches soon.

I feel absolutely sick when I reread what I've just written. I have to get more discipline, without question. How can I let myself go so abominably? Already this blog is helping me a little bit, but I feel so depressed when I look at it. Well, if I want to stop feeling depressed, I'll just have to start being more healthy! Here's my plan for tomorrow:

Breakfast- am going to break routine and finish off the cereal. I know it's not the healthiest option, but there's not that much left, so I'll eat that as well as some extra fruit. I'll eat my oatbran and fruit as normal though after tomorrow.

Lunch- have also been craving yougurt, but because it's so calorically dense I haven't been eating it for desert like I want. Instead I'll start eating it for lunch. Usually, I have the non-flavoured yougurt + wheatbran (very healthy, very dense) + loads of fruit, usually 2-4 servings of different types (also very healthy, also quite a lot of calories) + honey (supposedly healthy) + cinnamon + digestives (can't resist) I'm going to start eating yougurt for lunch because it is extremely healthy, very filling, sates my craving for it and stops me from eating other, more unhealthy food. I didn't want to eat it for desert because it's so much in the evening, but as lunch it's great as I burn calories during the day and it is very healthy and energy boosting. Perfect!

Dinner- whatever's cooking, but I'm going to start eating the vegetables first, meat second and carbs last. I also know this works brilliantly, as I had been doing this routine for a while in the US and the veggies are amazingly filling.

Desert- fruit, nuts, maybe sometimes fish, colecuts, cheese and crackers when we have it, which is not often. Nothing fattening.

By the end of the day, I'll have eaten at least 5 servings of fruit and veggies which of course is extremely healthy. I'll have also eaten lots of fibre from my first meal, and lots of other stuff from the yougurt. Dinner is pretty much always healthy as well, so I'll be eating very healthy from now on! If I do this and keep up my exercise, I should be doing a lot better than now. I also have some other tricks up my sleeve:

• Every morning I'm going to drink a cocoa, coffee, cinnamon and honey mix. Cocoa is apparently very good for you as it has a lot of magnesium, which is a mood-lifter (great in the mornings!) and helps with heart disease and improves digestion, not to mention the caffeine. Coffee is also very good for you, as it contains caffeine, has many antioxidants which help slow down the aging process which means better skin and improves endurance apparently. It's only a tsp each of coffee and cocoa, so I should be dandy :) The cinnamon and honey mix supposedly is most effective first thing in the morning, is filling, helps keep fat from accumulating in the body and helps keep the skin soft and fresh :D So, altogether, 1 tsp each of cocoa, coffee and cinnamon and 2tsps of honey.
• I also need to drink more juice. My brother loves cranberry juice, so I am going to start drinking it too. Apparently it helps get rid of fat and, as it is tart, surpresses your appetite.
• I need more calcium, so in addition to my yogurt I am going to start drinking a glass of soy milk every day, probably before I eat. Calcium helps lose weight, as not eating enough calcium makes the body think it is in starvation mode. I don't eat that much calcium because I don't want to get more cellulite (I only have a little- exercise definitely helps get rid of it!) so drinking soy milk and yogurt is a good idea.
• I've started adding cinnamon and peppers to a lot of my food. Cinnamon helps keep off the weight, as I wrote about above, and peppers also discourage weight gain. Cooooool.
• I'll also start recording how much lemon water and green tea I eat. Lemon water also helps lose weight, and green tea also aids digestion.

I'd probably write more about other dieting methods I'm planning to use, but I'm awfully as tired as it's 5 to midnight here. Anyway, after writing this I'm feeling a lot more positive! Wish me luck! ;)

26/8/08

Height and Weight- 5 ft 2, 110 pounds

Bleugh. Since I've gotten back from the US, I've been so undisciplined. Before, every morning I would wake up at 9, stretch, and then run about 2.5 miles, have a small breakfast, tiny snack for lunch, small dinner and then fruit for desert before going to bed. Now, I've been a complete slob and am eating loads and barely exercising at all. Which makes me feel sick, but I can't help it. Hopefully this blog will help! Anyway...

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + serving of rasberries + serving of mangoes + cinnamon + some honey

Lunch- maybe 5 mini Pizza rolls (they're about as big as my thumb) + 5-7 full fat cookies and chocolate chips (tiny as well, if you put the tip of your forefinger and thumb together that's approximately the size, maybe a bit larger) + one small serving of tortellinis and olive oil

Dinner- 1 small/medium bowl veggie soup + 2 slices toasted rye

Snacks- 2 or 3 large slices of ham, equal amount of swiss cheese and red peppers + loads of apples and cinnamon

Exercise- my regular stretches this morning, 2.25 miles around a field; ran about .5 and jogged the rest, will do my regular workout (30 push-ups, 150 secs still in push up position, 300 secs in 'board' position; same as push-up position but on your elbows, 102 crunches and 22 squats) and stretches again after this post

I really need to get much more disciplined. I'll start recording how much and what I drink too now that I've started this. Now I've started drinking lemon water to help speed up my metabolism, and as always I drink green tea all the time. I've stopped drinking cold water because apparently it slows down your metabolism too. I need to get on a better sleeping schedule too; I'm on school break right now but am starting school in 2 weeks. Currently I go to sleep late and get up late, but I want to start getting up early so I can jog. Hmm...I hope this blog helps me get back on track and lose some weight!