Sunday, August 31, 2008

30/8/08 and 31/8/08

Didn't post yesterday because my mom was around, and I know she certainly wouldn't approve of this blog. Anyway, my thoughts from yesterday...went out (again!) with my friend, which was rather nice. I haven't seen her properly in ages, so it was a bit of a catch-up. She's been having a few problems recently, so we chatted about that among other things. However, you know what going out means...eating a lot. Here's what I ate:

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + cinnamon + one serving rasberries + one serving mangoes

Lunch- two buns with butter + one hot chocolate with real full fat cream

Dinner- one enormous plate rice + beef + chillies + onions + peppers

Snacks- one nectarine + a few cookies (can't remember how many) + a few slices of cheese and meat and bean and pepper tortilla

Exercise- None. None at all.

I know. It's terrible. I feel horrible, absolutely horrible. I need encouragement. I need help. To write that I have eaten makes me feel so, so deeply shamed...and it's even worse today.

Breakfast- 1/3 cup oatmeal + cinnamon + two servings mangoes + 1 serving rasberries + a little bit of scrambled egg + a tiny bit of onion and bacon (almost nothing)

Lunch- 5 slices cheese and peppers and beans and meat tortilla

Dinner- small serving cheese and broccoli + one serving edema beans + small serving meatball and pasta and tomato sauce

Snacks- 3 bourbon cookies + one small slice of choc cake

Exercise- walked approx. one mile + regular exercises

Although I didn't record what I drank today because I don't remember, I'm drinking this horrible concoction of apple vinegar, lemon juice, cinnamon, honey and a little splenda. It's...vile. But healthy, I think.

All I can say to my recent eating and exercising habits is...FUCK. What the hell is wrong with me!? I try to do better, I have good intentions, but honestly!? It really seems like I can't help myself. I've been going out a lot which definitely doesn't help, but staying at home is a problem because it really stresses me out. I've just been stressed out generally. Although I have no reason to, I'm a little stressed out about my boyfriend, but I know it's nothing. The problem is, anytime I feel good about the time we spent together, my family just rips him apart and it makes me feel insecure again. But I guess it's nothing, right? I guess stress doesn't help you lose weight much...

Anyway, tomorrow is the first day of September! So, you know what that goals. Although they are typical, I will follow them, in chronological order:

  • I will set a more healthy sleeping pattern (meaning, less late nights, more early mornings!)
  • I will eat more healthy, which means following my diet plan
  • I will start jogging 2 miles every day in the evening
  • I will stop eating cookies
  • I will cut out snacks, which therefore means only 3 meals a day
  • I will reduce the amount of food I eat
  • I will increase my exercise
By the time I finish with my goals, I will be much healthier, much fitter and (hopefully!) much thinner. I'm quite toned already; when I'm tensed I'm already hard as a rock, but I still feel covered by this detestable layer of fat...I need some thinspo.

Those quotes are great. In fact, I'm already inspired. Tomorrow's the first day of September, which means implementing my goals! But for now...I'd better get off the computer and start exercising!

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