10/11/08

Have started doing sit ups and push ups again, as well as walking home from school. It's about a mile and takes me about 30min. Love working out. My stomach feels sore, but muscular. There are muscles living under that layer of flab!

I have been trying to eat healthier, which has been going pretty well except I still snack in the evenings. However, I have been trying to snack more healthily- normally I would nibble and nibble at little things and pretend they don't count, but now I'm acknowledging what I'm eating, and when I'm overeating. I guess you could say I'm more aware of how my body's feeling. Before I would just make excuses and bullshit myself that I'm hungry. Now, if I eat an extra bowl of cereal, at least I know I'm doing it because I'm greedy rather than because I'm hungry.

I think I'll get my snacking under control soon. I just need to get more inspired, and more used to eating small portions. I ate a ton of broccoli today, and a little rice, and some pork. And then I had some apple, a bunch of peanuts and some m&ms and...yes...peanut butter. But, to be honest, it wasn't too bad. It wasn't a huge binge. It was a smallish/medium one. And I walked back from school today, and it was cold, and windy, and I wasn't used to it. And my period's coming up. So once my body gets more used to this, and my cravings go away, I should be fine.

I have a Maths test tomorrow. Very important. Didn't revise tonight. Feel like a failure.

If I get up really early (i.e, 6am) then I can look over my notes again.

I know I'm going to regret this.

Even though I know what I ate wasn't too bad, I know that I need to restrict much, much more and I need to revise more if I want good grades.

Am feeling quite unhappy at the moment with myself. I know I am going to wake up tomorrow and seriously regret not working harder.

I hate wasted time. It's just so...useless. I'm even starting to hate sleeping, because it's wasted time...

Dammit. I'll just have to do even better, now, to make up for this!

On a better note, I have gotten over my fear of apple vinegar and am actually liking it. Yes, apple vinegar, 1 tsp, not diluted, just downed! I know it's not good for my teeth, but I don't think I can drink it another way. The taste may not be that good, but when I drink it I can practically feel it cutting the fat.

Have biology and chemistry test to revise for on the weekend. Am going out with S, though, because he keeps bothering me about it.

Dammit. My brother just saw my url. Shit. Should be alright, though.

Anyway, main point of this post- I feel pretty lousy now, but I shall succeed.